Goat Simulator 3 has no shortage of adventures and hijinks for you to explore. The beauty of taking on the world with Pilgor (and some other goat pals, if you prefer multiplayer) is the fact that you can essentially do as you please with absolutely no regard for the consequences.
Related: Strangest Simulator Games Everyone Should Play
Within the treasure trove of calculated chaos and rewarded curiosity, there are a number of quests that stand out from the pack. There is already a lot to discover, so it’s great when you chance upon these in the game. The sheer ridiculousness combined with fun references and cool unlockables makes the following events, ahem, goated.
10 Free Billy
Yes, like Free Willy. Much like the protagonist of that tale, you can go to the zoo and discover a whale trapped in the confines of commodified animal life. In the game, Billy the Whale is in a glass enclosure that is literally just big enough to fit his cubed body.
If you’re feeling heroic, you can break him out and bring him into the sea to live out his days free. Of course, this is still Goat Simulator 3 and the ending to this quest will likely stun you in a grim yet hilarious fashion.
9 Horror Corridor
Let us take a moment of, um, silence for Silent Hills and what it could have been. Thankfully, we can rehash the iconic P.T. demo in true goat fashion with the Horror Corridor quest. Because this is a firmly satirical take, you can expect tons of gags in place of scares. Of course, you still face the challenge of getting past the “enemies” and escaping the seemingly unending corridors.
Of course, you can find this event in a familiarly foggy and grey-hued place called Quiet Hill. Good thing you’re a fearless badass on four legs.
8 Happy Birthday Philip!
This quest is simple enough but takes a hilarious spin on an otherwise sad event. The quest is simple enough: it’s Philip’s birthday, but no one came to his party. Thankfully, you are an actual party animal and you can literally drag a bunch of guests to his place. It’s a happy ending and you receive a fun clown outfit for this good deed.
Related: Games With Developer Cameos
What makes it even better is how it’s also a cheeky little nod to the game’s lead programmer, Philip Lindau. The banner has his full name and the character model is based on his likeness. Should you visit your Goat Castle, you'll find Philip becoming a royal hand with his own list of requests.
7 Trespassing
While you can also uphold the law in the game (in your characteristically Pilgor way), you can also break it in all manner of increasingly absurd ways. One quest has you trespassing into the garden of a seemingly kindly old senior. The complication comes when she whips out a turret and shoots you relentlessly.
It’s challenging to defeat Karring, a name that actually translates to old hag, as she is annoyingly accurate and will not stop attacking until subdued. Once you get past her, a shed opens up where you play a cool retro level that is a clear nod to the old Wolfenstein games. It’s worth going through the whole thing as you get to unlock your own Karring turret when you complete the event.
6 Rescue Steve
Steve is drowning and you must rescue him at once! The funny thing is that not Steve is not a human. In the Yakedo Hot Springs, there are plenty of fish swimming peacefully. Among them, however, is a very unique fish that cannot swim. Yes, it’s Steve.
Some heroes find Nemo while others rescue Steve. This is one of those few cases where being a fish out of water is actually the best outcome.
5 Dilbo’s Journey
While this is not the first time Lord of the Rings is referenced in a game, it is certainly one for the books. Not far from Yakedo Hot Springs, you may find a small Hobbit house that is clearly meant to emulate the home of Bilbo Baggins. From here, you begin a grand adventure as you are tasked with casting The Ring “back into the fiery chasm from whence it came.”
The Purity Ring allows you to become invisible when it’s equipped. Should you stay true like the lady Galadriel and succeed in yeeting it into the lava, you will unlock some solid Gandalf gear.
4 Character Creation
This quest brings you to Cosplay Con, which is a massive bundle of references. Persona, Marvel, The Simpsons, and plenty more pop culture classics make an appearance here in a warped copyright-free way you can enjoy. Naturally, it’s the best place to live that RPG life and build a character for the Build Your Outfit Contest.
Related: Best Video Game Easter Eggs Of All Time
This quest is mostly fun for all the easter eggs, but it’s also enjoyable for the freedom you have with putting the parts together for your character. You can approach it with some seriousness and truly try to put fitting pieces for every body part, or you could just embrace the winds of chaos and slap anything you want on there.
3 Fit For The Cross
Here, the power of Pilgor compels you to get people into that active lifestyle in the presence of a higher power. After you finish the Pay Respect quest, you can enter the church and find treadmills just waiting to be used to their full potential.
Drag anyone you’d like to feel the blessing of CrossFit. Interestingly, you can even drag ghosts onto the treadmills. Who says cardio is just for the living? If you finish this quest, you are rewarded with the Angel Sweat energy drink car like the good and aggressive influencer you are.
2 Self Reflection
Visit Chatana Yoga and resist the temptation to wreak havoc. To get an achievement and a cool gear reward, you need to sit through the entire session and listen to the increasingly inane ramblings of your yogi.
It seems simple enough, except that it feels like the longest five minutes to get through and you’re not allowed to move. If you walk around, the whole thing resets. At this point, are we still surprised that Goat Simulator 3 gives even the most ridiculous achievements in other games a run for their money? It’s worth the wait, though, as you gain the ability to read special developer comments on the assets littered across the world when you lick them. Also, you get to say you achieved the ultimate enlightenment in your best form.
1 The Big Red Button
Amidst all the wacky stuff happening in San Angora, you might still feel that things just aren’t wild enough. Shake up the normal everyday life of Suburbsville by launching a nuke into town. Simply push in some coordinates, press the big red button, and watch as a big ol’ nuclear bomb hurls toward the ground. This doesn’t really change things up much aside from having a big ticking nuke on the ground unless you decide to give it a nice little headbutt.
One nudge makes it go boom and the whole area gets a huge crater, you get a distinctively Fallout sepia filter over everything in the area, and you receive your very own Vault suit! As if that alone wasn’t worth it, everyone in the area grows extra limbs from the radiation. It’s also near the birthday quest, so if you do this before that one then you can instantly make much more interesting partygoers. Don’t worry about the moral implications! Rules never apply to goats.
Next: The Best Sandbox Games
